An Invitation to Your Stay-At-Home Business Trip
Here are the details for your stay-at-home business trip. Training will begin promptly at 8:00am. We’ll meet until your eyes go cross-eyed from staring at your computer screen.
Reservations have been made at your home for you. Your home is conveniently located close to not only your family but also many dining establishments (though none will let you come inside).
Please note that housekeeping will not visit. You must make your own bed. You choose whether or not to put a mint on your pillow.
If you desire towel service, simply throw your towel on the bathroom floor. Either you or someone else will pick it up and put it in the laundry.
At this point of the COVID19 unpleasantness, I’m happy if you are wearing clothes—clean or dirty. Our class will turn on our cameras from time to time. Please look presentable.
To my knowledge, our webinar software does not have a feature that lets you put a photo of yourself on the screen like Zoom does. Plan accordingly.
Kids, Pets, and Dirty Dishes
If we see your kids, your pets, or the monstrosity that is your kitchen sink, we agree to make NO value judgements.
I do reserve the right to record anything I deem hilarious and send it to America’s Funniest Videos. You will receive a 20 percent royalty if your footage wins money.
Stuff You Need For Class
You need a fully functioning computer. Have at least one (if not 2) monitors. You’ll need your cell phone to call in. I recommend ear buds to help you concentrate on our training instead of your kids arguing in the next room. Strong WiFi is a plus; kick your kid off Fortnite because it sops up bandwidth. Other than that, you should be good.
Muting Your Phone Line
I will roll the dice and let you mute your own phone line. When you speak but then forget to mute yourself, we will hear your snide remarks and the chaos going on in your house.
Bonus points for screaming your kid’s full name when you don’t think we can hear you. We know your children are in trouble when we hear their middle name screeched at a jet-engine decibel level.
Transportation To Class
To get to class each day, please get out of bed and walk to your computer. Bonus points if you shower first. Please be careful in your walking because your Worker’s Comp does not cover the trip. (Though I hear there is a special clause if you step on Legos with bare feet)
We look forward to having you in class. We know you are committed to learning and will let nothing stand in your way.
Now please put on some pants.
Your Trainer Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary,